Madness and Muchness ch 10

'Alice was sitting comfortably in her husband's favorite chair.  She quietly embroidered delicate flowers on her husband's shirt.  As she set down her embroidery hoop she gazed lovingly at her wedding portrait on the wall.  A friend of the Queen's painted it for them.  She started sobbing quietly, for it had been about two months since she had seen him and she was worried about the revolt that was going on at Marmoreal.  Just when Alice started wiping her eyes with the hem of her petticoat the door was kicked down!  
'"Seize that girl!"  It was Ilosovic Stayne, the Knave of the once all mighty Red Queen.  
'Red knights stormed the house, smashing things and causing much mayhem.  Stayne grabbed Alice by the hair and carried her out of the house, as the red knights set it on fire.  
'"Tarrant!  Tarrant!" Alice screamed for her husband.
'"Shut up!" Stayne screamed at her.  Then he carried her off to a grove of trees, tore her petticoat and…'
"NO!!!"  Tarrant screamed.  "Alice…Alice…"  He looked around, he was still in his sewing room at Marmoreal castle.  Apparently he had fallen asleep at his sewing machine while working on a dress for Mirana.  
"It was all a bad dream.  Just a…"  He stood up, his eyes were the color of the purest gold and they were surrounded by a sickly black around his eyes.
Tarrant stormed into the Queen's kitchen.  He spoke in a deep Scottish accent.  "I need to get out of here!  Before…before…"
He flipped through Mirana's cookbook.  "SLURKING URPAL SLACKUSH SCRUM SLURVISH…SLURVISH…"
Mirana walked into the kitchen, she had just woken up and she wore a white robe around her nightgown.
"Hatter…what are you doing?"
"I need to get out of here!  I NEED no see my Alice!"  He started flipping through the cookbook.  He didn't wait for Mirana to respond, "If I shrink myself I can slip through the gate, and head home without being noticed."
"And how do you propose you get across the moat?"
"Quite possibly you could send me across by hat?"  He started searching for things from the cabinet.  He paused, "But how would I get back to my normal height?"
"Why, I do believe that I have some of that cake lying around."  She started searching through the cupboard as Tarrant started mixing the ingredients.  "Here, I found some.  Now Tarrant…you know that's not going to work."  She shook her head at the mixture that he was working on.  She leaned forward and spit in it, "There, you go.  Now that should work."
Tarrant drank it rapidly and he felt himself shrink rapidly.  After he stopped shrinking he was about four inches tall.  He climbed out from under his hat, wearing a suit made out of his orange sock.  
Mirana gently scooped him and his hat up and set them on the kitchen counter.
"Tarrant, I'll toss you across the moat.  Now, I'll try to aim for the woods, and hopefully you won't get stuck in a tree.  Here, take some cake.  Now don't eat that right away, try to go as far as you can in the woods without being seen before you eat it.  I'm not sure, but I've heard rumors of rebels hiding in the woods."
She placed him on his hat and walked toward the balcony.  She looked around, most of the rebels were sleeping outside the moat.  "The coast looks clear."
"Fairfarren my Queen."
"Fairfarren my Hatter, Godspeed."  She tossed the hat and it soared across the moat with ease, and it continued for about four more miles.  And as gently as a mother Snozzgoose it floated to a clearing in the forest.
Tarrant hopped off the hat.  "Now to head home."  He started walking, then he stopped and turned around.  "Wait…"  He looked longingly at his hat.  "I can make a new one, but…I'd better bring it along.  I'm afraid that Alice will think something is wrong if I don't have my hat with me."  He headed back and started tugging his hat along.  "This thing is so awfully heavy!  Maybe I should eat some of that cake, I'm sure I'll make it out okay if I run fast."  Tarrant dug around his pocket, "Where is it?!  Oh slackrush urbal scum!  I think it flew out when I was in the air!  Oh I hate this!"  He kicked the side of his hat.
Angrily he stormed off and headed towards home, swearing the entire time in a Scottish accent.  "Stinking urbal scum slacking…"  He stopped and heard a growling noise.  "…scum…"  He wasn't sure but he thought it was a bandersnatch.
He picked up a hatpin from his hat.  "I need to find a mushroom."  He heard another growl, "And fast."
He ran about two yards until he found a mushroom.  "One side makes you larger and one makes you small…but which one?"  He ate part of one side and he grew about half a centimeter.  "This is it."  He ate until he was back at his normal height, unfortunately he had grown right out of his clothes.
"Urbal Scum!"  He grabbed his hat, his last article of clothing he had left.  "Hopefully no one will see me if I run fast!"